Gulnoza | Decoding signs and finding my way

Since my last entry I believe things have moved considerably. Not that everything was in fireworks and balloons, on the contrary, I started questioning my ideas even more often. Visiting the Museum of Ethnography gave me a clearer understanding of what I’m going to do. Nevertheless, I was not sure about how to narrow down my thesis topic. I realized that my initial research proposal was too big and ambitious to embrace. So, I was back into the land of doubts and concerns. The museum experience, however, prompted me to explore new ideas. Since then, I’ve visited Krakow, where I went to see the museum of Auschwitz and the Oscar Schindler’s factory. Words fail to express the emotions that filled me up. It is beyond my understanding why humankind does not learn its lessons. Why, after over 70 years, we are still witnessing cruelty, intolerance, inhumanity, whichever form and content it takes, towards ‘otherness’ all over the world? This unforgettable experience left me speechless and contemplating. Anyway, along with such deliberations, I was also paying attention to how the museum was set up. Besides the display of evidences of this horrendous crime against humanity, I was impressed with the audio-visual set-up of the halls, where one can feel being in the center of those events. Both museums managed to perfectly combine the use of digital technologies with the regular mode of showcasing history. It’s amazing that through time they have managed to adapt to fast growing technologies while safeguarding the most precious thing we could possibly have – memory.

Thus, overwhelmed with emotions and impressions, I was flying up in the skies in search of other sources of inspiration until suddenly, out of the blue we were told to have a meeting with the program director. We were supposed to talk about our thesis topic, whether we would stick to it or would like to make amendments, or whether we intended to change it drastically.  I panicked. A million questions were running through my head. Why do they want to see me? Isn’t it premature? Everything was going well, wasn’t it? What am I going to say? What am I going to do with my thesis? Is the topic going to be the same? But then isn’t it too generic? How should I digitize cultural heritage? Which heritage? I must narrow it down, do I? But how? God, my brain was desperately trying to give answers to each question it was generating. It felt like being back to school, when you come in the morning to a class to find out you are going to have...SURPRISE, a maths test.

The show time approached mercilessly. When it was my turn, another flashback was vivid in my head, this time from the high school times, when I was supposed to pick a question on the exam I was not prepared for. But all my fears and doubts vanished once I stepped into the room with József and Alice. Five minutes into our conversation, with their questions and encouragement, I realized there was nothing to be afraid of. I could have come and say “Look, I have no idea what the hell I’m going to do with my thesis”, and it still would be OK. However, I did have some ideas in my head, and even more of them hovering over me. For me they looked like candies in a piñata under the ceiling, I just couldn’t reach out to break it. I needed someone to hold on to for balance. And József and Alice were the ones. With their advice, guidance, questions and simply nods of encouragement, I saw a clear picture emerging in my head. I firmly decided I would narrow down my topic to intangible cultural heritage. I could focus my research on traditional music, musical instruments, traditional and ceremonial songs. I would continue collecting ideas and research best practices. I would visit even more museums and galleries. Oh, yes, I love doing it. For a museum freak like me, this sort of experience of mixing business with pleasure was meant to be. Eventually, I left their office on foot, but I was literally flying so inspired I was. Why the hell was I scared at first place? I don’t have to be perfect, do I? After all I’m here to learn and study, and our professors are here to guide us, not judge. 

With a clearer idea of my thesis research now, I realized now that even some readings do make sense if I find them relevant to my topic. I only wish I could say the same about all of them…

Off I go, with a better understanding of where to. There’s a long way ahead, but I will overcome as long as clear road signs are there. Otherwise, I'm learning to decode them.