Giant in front of me | Adina Selimovic

New country. New university. New classmates from all over the world. It all sounds so exciting, right? In fact yes it is. But I won't lie last few weeks have been as exciting as they have been scary. One think I wasn't expecting is how much I am going to discuss  thesis proposals with my new classmates. The much feared question „What is your thesis topic? “ comes up as soon as you introduce yourself. In answering this question seems like everyone is following the same pattern: he/she chuckles, takes a deep breath and tells you „Well...I need to think about it, I believe it won't be the same as one in my proposal topic, that one is very broad for one thesis “. 

This uncertainty of my classmates gives me comfort, it helps to know I am not the only one who feels like this is too much for me. My research is going to be about Jewish heritage in Sarajevo. But I cannot simply put 500 years of traditions and creations on twenty-something pages. As of right now, I feel like the dwarf in front of the huge giant. Should I become David and fight this huge giant? But how to approach it? What are my strategies? I do not know. There is simply a lot to consider and I always felt like I must stay true to my ideas from begging.  

https://www.worldprayer.org.uk/world-prayer-centre-news/item/9606-david-goliath-where-is-the-real-battle

One thing I knew for sure is that I do not wish to write about the famous ‘Sarajevo Haggadah’. I use to think my research should be about less known aspects, preferably about the intangible heritage of Sarajevo’s Jews. But, during the first meeting with professors from Jewish studies specialization, I had one very interesting realization that made me rethink my thesis topic once again.  

“You can write about Haggadah,” Said professor to me, “That is a fascinating story, I heard that everyone in Sarajevo knows about it” he added excitedly. ‘Yes exactly, everyone knows it’ I thought. I looked around myself and realized something 'We are not in Kansas anymore Dorothy'. Very conveniently the meeting was taking place on one of the rooftops of CEU campus buildings, so I could look around realizing that indeed I am not home anymore, I am not in Sarajevo. Does really EVERYONE know about Haggadah? Probably not.  I realized I was wrong to be so dismissive of this idea from the start.  

After this, it new questions started to raise: But what can I really contribute to this narrative? Can I write something that wasn’t written yet? Soon, just like ordered another conversation takes place, this time in a much relaxing setting, on Friday night over few drinks. One PhD student from YURG (Yugo research group) listened so patiently all my troubles related to the thesis topic. “I had the same fear, but my mentor told me that what was done in the past shouldn’t be an obstacle, it can just assist you in writing more thorough research. It doesn’t always mean that you are recycling other person's ideas and work” (Or something like that, I am not sure I remember it all word to word, it was Friday after all. Maybe I just wanted to hear this)  

http://www.ongsend.com/2011/02/26/no-181-robert-burton/

 As I write this I remember the interesting metaphor professor used during our first lecture on “Problems and Paradigms in Jewish studies”. He talked about how people in Middle ages felt about Antic: They saw philosophers from Ancient Greece as gigantic authorities that they will never be able to reach, all they can do is try climbing on their shoulders and maybe see little further away. Suddenly, the big giant in front of me is not scary Goliath I need to defeat, I can maybe just try climbing on his shoulders. Maybe from there, I will have a better view. Right now, I am not sure how to even climb up there, but I am certain that in next two years I will get proper robes to climb up this giant.